Archives for category: Relationships

It’s that time of year to sit down and do some serious goal-setting for 2011. Some of the goals for 2010 were not accomplished or little was done, so I will make those as ongoing goals. By having ongoing goals and aims I feel I have achieved something, even if it was a small change or improvement. It also helps me understand the changes I needed to make in my life and what’s important to me.

My main focus  is on:

Finances: I desperately need to get my finances in order.  This is strongly linked to my Work (no work no money coming in!). By this I mean I need to get a regularly income which will allow me to save , pay off my debts and not have to worry were my next job is coming from month to month.

Relationships: dating (maybe find someone to spend my time with – after lasting year’s dating experience, this is easier said than done). Spend more time with friends and contact old friends with whom I have been out of touch.

Fitness: I’m fairly fit, but I would like to increase my fitness level. Attempt to learn a new sport or get involved in an activity that I have wanted to do but never found the time.

By getting one aspect of my life in order and meeting some goals, the others will follow or become much easier to do. For example I would like to learn rock climbing, but I can’t afford to go for lessons, once I have a regular income I can save and afford to go for lessons.

I’ve been actively trying to sort out these aspects of my life since last year and some the year before. The difference now is  to come up with some solid and bigger plan that I will stick to. The trick is to clearly define goals that I commit to, so that they are reachable. How do I know that they are reachable? I suppose a way to test is, if somebody else with the same goals has done it, then it can be done.

I’ve always considered myself an introvert and shy. Most people think an introvert is a shy person, but I think shyness has little to do with being an introvert. When I’m shy, I get nervous and anxious and avoid the situations that make me feel like that. You probably won’t see me at a conference talk or any kind of public speaking, I avoid them as much as possible.

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I usually like to go out running to get away from the stress and whatever might be bothering me. It’s at that time I would rather be listening uplifting and positive topics. Recently A, someone whom I used to run with decided she needed to get back into running and asked me if I would like to go with her. I had my doubts because as before it’s a start stop thing and she is never in it for long or doesn’t take it seriously. A doesn’t run, she walks, gossips, all conversations are basically what others are doing to her, complains about everything and everyone and maybe a two-minute jog in between. I don’t enjoy it, which is why I limit myself on how many times I would go walking with her. I usually go with the flow and just listen (or try to ignore it). I recognize that relationships are active and therefore require tending from both sides.

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For most of us, personal growth and self-development means looking at things that make us happy, learning new skills, improving on existing ones, developing existing or new relationships. Work on things that give us an opportunity to grow and change (for the better) as a person and feel good about ourselves. However, many of us do not think that generosity is an opportunity for personal growth. On a broader aspect generosity means giving your time, knowledge and experience. It is not just about giving money, monetary gifts and donations.

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My pet peeve these days is about people who can’t stop talking about themselves, their life and just being too self-centered for their own good.

My recent experiences in dating and attempts at making new friends, has been somewhat disappointing. Not because I haven’t had that spark, that ‘chemistry’ or made any new friends, but every person I’ve shown an interest has been too self-absorbed.

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Great advice, but I think that is the case with everything and not just power tools :-)…

“…find a friendly instructor to show you how to use power tools. Someone you are never going to go to bed with or complains about your driving skills.”

– Alys Fowler

This week marked the ‘official’ end of an eight year relationship. After two years of emotional ups and downs, talking to each other only because we had to work together and of course not living together, my ex decided (with pressure from me) to cut all ties with me. My feelings towards this are numb. Oh I’m angry!! but simply because he is getting nasty about the situation and acting like he is doing me a real big favour by moving his things out of my house. I don’t think this relationship was ever meant to be, we had problems right from the start, there was never any love, we couldn’t communicate and I always felt I couldn’t grow as an individual, I felt I was living someone elses life. We both harboured the knowledge that one of us would leave but why did it take us 10 years to do it? There is a big lesson for me there and I need to get on with living my life the way I want it to be and be happy.
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I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s day,  I’ve always believed every relationship is different and you have your own ‘special day’ to celebrate your love for each other. Every relationship has an individuality to it and Valentine’s day attempts to take it away and instil particular ways and clichés to which we should follow. That is anything but romantic and a bit offensive. I am very romantic but not to order.

Maybe some relationships need a reminder to love each other and this is a day for them! But we don’t need another day geared to spend money, or to make us feel bad and guilty if we don’t celebrate, or remind us that we are single, not in a relationship. We have Christmas and New Year to remind us.

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Every now and then I post a poem, a quote, snippets of various things that friends have sent me.

My perfect little world

In my perfect little world, people greet,
they kiss and hug each time they meet.
Friends hold hands, and calm your fears;
they stick around to wipe your tears.

But in the world today, we just don’t care,
and showing love is somewhat rare.
When times are fun all friends are near,
then things get tough and most disappear.

In my perfect little world, we give and share;
we make it a point, to show we care.
We live to love, and love to live,
and find it easy to forgive.

But in the world today we strive on greed,
and crave the things we rarely need.
We step on others to get our way,
and hurt with what we do or say.

In my perfect little world, children smile,
and parents go that extra mile.
No child is ever harmed or hurt,
abused or treated just like dirt.

But in the world today most people cry,
and only pray in case they die.
We’ve given in to all that’s bad,
and then complain that life is hard.

In my perfect little world were all the same
and life is not a spiteful game.
People are loyal, honest and just,
and value the gift of friendship and trust.

But in the world today it seems,
we’ve lost all hope or goals and dreams.
Malicious acts are seen as witty,
I think it’s sad and such a pity.

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Ithaca by Constantine Kavafis

A big problem with online dating is how people can be so different on ‘paper’ and emails, that when you meet them in person the disappointment can knock your confidence.

I met Eoin online and he came across as an understanding, sensitive and open person. The online/phone ‘chemistry’ seemed to be there and I naively thought this might workout. Believe me if you read his messages and heard a telephone conversation you would have thought this guy is worth it. When we met in person, he seemed normal – at least I thought so. We had planned to go for a walk, but going to our destination he started getting annoyed with the traffic and he decided to change the place we were going.

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