Every two years I tend to have a crisis in my life, it can be anything from work, to relationships, health or other personal issues. At the moment it feels like nothing seems to be working out. I feel I have become like a zombie – lack of meaning in my life, not happy and not really ‘alive’. Defeat and boredom kicked in long time ago. Normally I would run away or avoid the issue. Having these symptoms is life telling me, to run again. Not in the physical sense, but to start fresh. To ignite a spark that will light a new life, with a deeper meaning, broader experience and much more fulfillment that I’ve had so far.

I know I am better off than lots of people and I can find 50 reasons to love my life, I can read all the endless lists on self-improvement blogs on ‘how to…’, or ‘ways to…’. Usually they tell you do so and so, but not how to do it. Or they live on a tropical island were it is very easy to get up in the morning and go for a run along the beach, as they may suggest! Some suggestions might work, others don’t.  For me the point of starting this blog was to see what worked for me, in my quest to feel happier and my personal development. I get to set my own standards for personal development.

1.  Face reality… “I’m having a crisis”

Lack of meaning in my life, not happy and not really ‘alive’. Things I’ve wanted in my life aren’t here, I feel powerless.

2.  Why?… “why am I having this crisis?”

I feel like I should be further along by now, due to age, due to the effort and work I have put in. In the big ones: my work, my relationships, love. It seems like nothing has changed over the past year, two, five, or ten years. I know there has been change, it just isn’t big enough to make a difference in my life. I’m feeling resentful that I work constantly only to feel like I’m getting nowhere. I believe I should have more to show by now. I’m feeling anxious being on my own. I want someone to share my life with.  I don’t want to have to go out anymore to meet people who just don’t make an effort. Going out for drinks or chatting in cafes or bars is no longer fulfilling.

3.  Take responsibility.

I have talents that I don’t use or take as far as I can. I procrastinate, hindered with beliefs that I’m not good enough at my work, engage and communicate enough, confident enough, interesting enough or good-looking enough. My belief system keeps me from getting what I want, and yes I need to change that. I seem to focus too much on the wrong things, not enough on the things I need to do, the kind of things that it takes to make something happen. My anxiety feels so intense I can’t seem to do anything to actually make that change. I no longer want to be on the outside looking in.

4. Where do I go next? How to ignite the spark?

Reevaluate what my priorities are, what I want to focus on. Work, Love,  Money (I’m flat broke) are the big ones. Pay attention to where I feel the spark and passion are. Invest in those places, and not the ones that drain me. Look for the positives, which I can build on, rather than the negatives which I cannot. Challenge myself into new ventures, and overcome the obstacles. I’m tired of just words and thoughts and no actions.

5. How am I going to make that happen?

Let creativity lead me. Expand and work on my talent. Pull together projects I am working on and develop on them, if I can’t, bin them. Be brave, in the matters of the heart, where I live, how I live and what I do for a living. Learn something new and different. Downsize the big dream for now. Give more of myself to me and not to others. Fulfill my desire to start travelling again. Write an e-book about my interests, things I feel passionate about. Find my life purpose – do I have one? Leave the old behind and embrace the new. Start Fresh!