This week marked the ‘official’ end of an eight year relationship. After two years of emotional ups and downs, talking to each other only because we had to work together and of course not living together, my ex decided (with pressure from me) to cut all ties with me. My feelings towards this are numb. Oh I’m angry!! but simply because he is getting nasty about the situation and acting like he is doing me a real big favour by moving his things out of my house. I don’t think this relationship was ever meant to be, we had problems right from the start, there was never any love, we couldn’t communicate and I always felt I couldn’t grow as an individual, I felt I was living someone elses life. We both harboured the knowledge that one of us would leave but why did it take us 10 years to do it? There is a big lesson for me there and I need to get on with living my life the way I want it to be and be happy.

Each of us hold core beliefs about life. These beliefs have a tendency to create expectations and assumptions, that often leave us feeling disappointed, resentful or angry. In this relationship there were too many expectations and were repeatedly enforced onto each other. Too many arguments, disappointments and resentment have started because expectations were not met. What triggered his reaction this time, was he expected me to act in a certain way – happy and calm (not frustrated as I was) when talking to him on the phone and when I didn’t he got upset about it. There are a number of reasons why I was frustrated, but he went with his assumptions.

Looking back at most arguments we had, there has always been a belief underneath that contributed to the resentment and frustration? I had to like his friends,  I had to call, I had to do this and that… Obviously there is more to why the relationship didn’t work, but for me this was a big reason. Our core beliefs are just our personal beliefs. Just because I believe that something should happen in a certain way does not mean it will or should. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won’t. Accepting that and believing that there is a reason for everything will save me/us much grief.

With my ex taking his things out of my house and declaring he no longer wants any ties with me, reminded me to get on with my life. Time is too precious to waste!

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